Laden's Valentine
A little boy comes home from first grade and tells his father that he
learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "As Valentine's Day
is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God
get angry at me for giving someone a valentine?"
The father thinks for a moment and then says, "No, I don't think
God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," the boy says.
"Why Osama ," his father asks in disbelief.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American
Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might
start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving
people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent
valentines to Osama, he'd jump with joy. And then he'd go all over and
tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone
anymore."
Father's heart swells and he looks at his son with newfound pride and
joy.
"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the
open, the Marines shoot him."
Be My Valentine
A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding
man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps
on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a
perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000
Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
A Mommy Moment
Four-year-old Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom Ann did. He
and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for
Valentine's Day. A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a
piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said
to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you
understand?"
"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little
hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat
them all."
Student of Psychology
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a
beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of
gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks
tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't
sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was
terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table
totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She
smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just
then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how
people respond to embarrassing situations."
At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you
mean? $300?"
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hog and kisses!
What did one light bulb say to the other?
"I love you a whole watt!"
Looking for a few laughs? More funny jokes to entertain your valentine.
